20: Why We Defend Our Parents & Don’t Get What We Really Want


This is the first time that Ben and Kelsey Grant put their heads together to do a live relationship coaching. Today, they had Diane come on the show. She is an English teacher in Japan and she wanted to talk about intimate relationships and the fears that are actually holding her back.

During the show, Kelsey Grant dug deep into Diane’s past relationship to find the source of her inner fears, struggles, jealousy, and envy.

Host Ben Oosterveld intuitively reveals how Diane has an untapped and unacknowledged inner rift with her parents making her weak. The idea was to bring Diane to a place to look at other relationships outside the intimate ones so she can identify some of the patterns and things that she is doing in her other relationships.

This is really a cool and authentic episode. Enjoy!





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Time Stamps:

  • 03:19 – all about Diane and how she got into Japan to teach English
  • 05:57 – how Ben and Diane met Kelsey
  • 10:50 – Diane shares about her dating problems, insecurities and culture difference in Japan
  • 16:32 – Kelsey digs deep into Diane’s inner struggles from jealousy, envy, and self-worth
  • 21:39 – Ben asks about Diane’s relationship with her parents, family, and friends
  • 29:37 – the importance of setting boundaries even with our parents
  • 35:35 – Ben shares how he and his wife clash often when they both push their voices and how being honest helped his relationships
  • 38:04 – Embracing and acknowledging pain to mend hurt feeling
  • 45:28 – Importance of asking permission
  • 46:25 – Diane’s breakthrough
  • 52:50 – Kelsey and Ben’s advice to Diane on how she can better her relationship with her parents
  • 55:55 – setting up moving on, healing and self-worth validation agreements with the people you trust
  • 59:00 – how men got attracted to a woman who knows their worth
  • 1:08:00 – Kelsey and Ben’s magic vortex